She Speaks Her Mind...

Thursday, June 29, 2006

i'm so pissed with my man la! why is it that he just never admit his mistakes?

MEN! their pride and ego! so important to them? they'll never admit they're at fault and never try to accept what women said..they want face..they cant lose!

my man is always pointing out my flaws when he never realise he has them too!

he loves to say i'm always assuming stuffs but little did he know he's doing this all the time~

he wanted me to see things open-mindedly but y isn't he doing so? show me a good example b4 u ever want to lecture me! y the hell are u still sticking to your pride and thinking that MEN are like that! they just couldn't accept WOMEN's thinking..

but hey~there're exceptional case? if not why the hell did god created MEN and WOMEN, and make them fall in love for? to learn to accept each other..to give and take....or rather compromise~that's his purpose!

n this..depends on the individuals! it doesn't mean that ALL MEN must stick to their pride and rights~that man himself can decide whether he wants to listen and accept open-mindedly to what his girlfriend (someone he loves and gonna spend the rest of his life with) said!its up to him~ he doesnt need to follow the trend!

its a lesson that MEN has to learn! i may be lack of knowledge of wad's happening ard the world..in the society..so i'm learning and improving! so why cant he? cos he's lack of knowledge in a r'ship! he didn't feel there's anything to learn..

that's simply becos he's too ego! he expects his ger to accept whatever he said!

no point being together when one side doesn't want to compromise~if that's the case y not God just create Gays and Lesbians? cos they understand each other better..isn't it?

WOMEN may judge things emotionally but that doesn't mean its always wrong! the problem lies in the MEN..they doesn't want to listen..becos they judge things logically or practically..which is not totally right all the time!

you told me some things are not worth arguing or dont need to argue..but why are you talking back still? isn't it better if u juz keep quiet and listen to my blabbling since u think i'm e immature one?

what Raine said was right too! why is it always arguements and not communications? cos they simply juz dont listen! they always think they're right~

all this shit started from that Leona and my muffin issue..it juz clash on the same day that Leona needs to meet him n i'm baking muffin too..

i haven even make a fuss over him meeting that HK ger..one of his bunch of my most-hated HK ger frens..instead, i allow him to go..but the main problem in him is..he doesn't know how to prioritise! isn't ur gf more important than meeting your friends?

i'm not being demanding but if you're sian bout meeting this ger den dont meet! juz tell her u're not free..moreover u've promised your ger that u gonna help her with the muffins!

why give yourself so much stress to meet her up and after that put the blame on me that i'm the one making you stress..becos u were afraid
i'll be unhappy that u're meeting her?? i'm unhappy at the way u manage ur time~how u gonna meet her within 1hr juz to get the 'stuffs' from her and rush back for me??
you think u can do it?
and why is it a must to get those 'stuffs'? its smthg she gt for u! not u asking her to buy! n moreover u'll be seeing her during albert's ROM isn't it?? cant she pass to u on that day?

you were unhappy with my replies..becos u expected me to tell u what to do instead of asking u what u planning to do..if that's the case..i would've ask u not to meet her cos u already had promise me to bake muffins together! will u be happy with that reply of mine?

NO! to simplify it..you just want me to say what you wan to hear! admit it! stop denying!

after everything..still.....nth good comes out~u concluded that......i shld mix ard with ur sis more than my friends..cos i expressed myself so much better..haha..yeah..u're right! she taught me alot..but what's ur point?!

how bout u? u still think u're on e right track? n there's nth u ought to learn or change?

u're a gone case typical MEN living in the past..

i dont know if giving in was right. my colleague Jecy always tell me...its better for girls to act stupid...is it true? i start to think so...

i'm like....accepting fate..which is stupid! but if he's stubborn..what to do?

its not bout leaving him..n find a better one..
doesn't mean the next one will be so much better..n he's not that bad till i cant tolerate him..he just need to learn to listen and try to judge at different points of view..instead of just saying whatever's in his freaking mind!

i know i may hav offended alot MEN now..but guys....think about it...how often do you guys realli listen to your girlfriend or Girl-friend's opinion? most of you still have the mindset that MEN r the decision maker and WOMEN are the ones sitting back and listen..

NO lor! we WOMEN wants to be heard as well..to be recognised..

in the end he's the one contradicting himself..telling me i muz be determine to achieve success in everything i do..bla bla bla..wala wala wala..but yet he doesn't allow me to have a stand at times?what the hell is wrong with him?

conclusion is : accept it la WOMEN! this is MEN! they're suffocating us man...

i freaking had enough~!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, June 29, 2006
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Wednesday, June 28, 2006

SaRcAsTiC bomBaStiC cOupLE! cHeERs!! yEAH!!!

juz simply pissed with him trying to pick a fight with me..

stupid typical guy who dont admit his mistakes!

he's always thinking his reasons are right and i have to accept them..whatever la..i'm saying OK for the sake of cooling myself down..n him~happily thinking that i agree with him..

urgh~~y r men so ego?

he wanna play sarcastic game with me? yeah~i'll play with him!

i'm gonna whack him on his BIG HEAD..n throw it into the sea to poison all the fishes there!

argh!!! qi si wo le!!!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
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i'm happily eating cheesecake and blogging now in office..cheesecake from Jecy..hur~yummy yummy!

this few days everyone's been taking really good care of me before i leave Mectron..i felt so much like a princess!

last week they treated me eat zi char, this friday gonna have a farewell bbq and they gonna buy me a gift! i requested for a adidas duffel bag! wanna use it for my thailand trip! n Laykhim's gonna bake a cake for me~~hoho..n today Jecy brought cheesecake for me..even the cleaner auntie dont wanna take my money when i wanted to pay her for the pudding powder that she helped me to buy.
aww.....they're pampering me so much man~making me so she bu de to leave..

to repay their kindness, i told myself i must do something for them! i'll try to finish as much work as possible to lighten their burden..n by hook or by crook i muz go ahDear's house this thursday to bake apple muffin for all of them!

gotta trouble him to help me get those ingredients cos by the time i reach his house quite late le..excited man~

hai..got stomach flu since sunday..feeling so uncomfortable even till now..4days already..sob* very painful...anyone knows of an easy way to cure it besides seeing a doctor? i've been like drinking lotsa warm water, eating that 'po ji wan' and ate lotsa fruits..did went toilet but stomach still has that sudden pain..sad~

n becos of this i couldn't sleep well last few nights..n was too tired to watch World Cup..haiz...i miss World Cup! i wish everyday is weekend!

and my gambler bf won $90 for yesterday's match! Brazil vs Ghana 3-0 and Spain vs France 1-3? think my gambler brother should win quite a lot too~shall wait for them to give me $$! wahahaha... =X

i'm going crazy la..cos my stomach's aching like mad..counting down 3 days to my last day in Mectron...

and counting down 7 days...err..8days? wadeva la...counting down 7 or 8 days to my bangkok trip!!! argh!!!!! i'm so excited~~

She Wrote What She Felt At
Wednesday, June 28, 2006
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Monday, June 26, 2006

hoho..last week at work le..gonna countdown liaoz..my last day is this friday! not that excited though cos kinda worried i may juz bored myself to death at home..

had a freaking tired weekend man~ was watching World Cup with ahDear and my brother on friday. at long last get to watch the 3am match...but due to short term memory..shall not recall what matches i watched..haha

but i remember the matches i bet so far during the weekends..all lost! sob* argh! i must win back!!!
nah..i'm not a gambler..my brother n ahDear are the ones!! play n play..bet n bet..haiz..they can be best frens!

Saturday evening attended Clemen's bday~at his house oh..it was sooooooooo near my house..haha..went to eat..cut cake..sat for awhile den back home to watch World Cup once again! but this time cannot watch 3am de..cos sunday morning got to wake up early to meet Raine for our 1 hour free yoga session~

but! becos of laziness + the good good rainy weather..we decided to give it a miss! although i bathed n changed already..muahaha..

ahDear made breakfast for my family..cos he won some money from the bet. so he made ham+egg mayo burger~good job! can set up stall liaoz..haha

went Lay Khim house to help her fix internet connection in the afternoon..n she has a dog!its a
jack russel n its soooooooooooooooo kawaii ok! i was playing with it when ahDear was fixing the connection..shall upload the pic when ahDear send me in his hp.

after that had dinner..he went to his relative house while me..Home Sweet Home!

The whole weekend we had only few hours of sleep..n we're feeling damn *gong gong* now..*gong* until i overshot my bus stop this morning..haiz....1st time in my 20 years record sia..that i slept in bus and overshot the bus stop..argH!!! sia sway!

oh..pls.....somebody give me some energy!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Monday, June 26, 2006
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Thursday, June 22, 2006

yeah! yeah!

i'm so excited to wear Punjabi suit! kami darl's gonna accompany me to buy..err..not so soon though..maybe in a years time!

why wear that neh?

bLeh! its a secret! :X die die i'll never say out~

wonder how i'll look in it~hohoho..

ok la..i'm mad~juz too excited that i wanna blog it down..so it'll remind me that i have to wear this on that day!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, June 22, 2006
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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

zhe me ban? am very very very very very + extremely + terribly sleepy in office now!! my eyes like..so tired..really gonna shut it down.my..is there a way to keep my eyes open???

probably had too much for lunch..went out with GM n some colleagues to Shing xiong? Taman jurong area to eat 'zi char'! ordered lotsa dishes man~we had fish head curry, kang kong, spicy sotong, sweet n sour pork n more~so full ok! n its spicy to the max!

they all chip in to treat me..guess its an early farewell lunch? my last day is next friday btw~

dislike this kinda feeling when people treat u too well n u dunno how to express your gratitude..it feels funny to say thank you to the GM especially..so can i juz...thank them here ;)

they kept saying wanna throw me into our testplate or any pool before i go..erm....i trust that these are meant for jokes ok? hur..i dont wanna die!!! n erm...shld i treat them before i go? i'm broke u noe!!! n juz becos i'm resigning i got to treat u guys?? den i dont wan to quit liaoz.. :X

anyway most probably they gonna organise a BBQ session next saturday for me n Edwin before we go ba..but gonna be quite rush-FuL for me la..cos its ahdear's cousin Albert's ROM..

*yawn* damn la~i'm really very sleepy now!! wanted to sleep earlier yesterday..but! World Cup match tempted me! Germany vs Ecuador and Poland vs Costa Rica~both matches at 10pm..ahDear n me bet on the poland matches..he won more ah~i actually lost in the Germany match cos my brother thought they gonna score the 4th goal..in the end they only score 3 goals.....tam xim(greedy)!but in the end my good good brother paid the loss for me la..so i won $20 lor!

n ahDear owe me a treat! a big big yummy yummy treat! because Germany won! Germany rox! Cheers to Germany! wohoho..he has no choice..we bet with each other on the Germany match and i'm betting for Ger to win so he has to choose Ecuador.. awwwww....too bad! :P

hmm..shall think what i wanna eat...

zZzzz.....ZZzZzz...zz..Zzz....

She Wrote What She Felt At
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
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Monday, June 19, 2006

*HaPpY 21st biRtHdAy tO YiXuan & BeLatEd bDaY tO xiAoHui!*

time flies..have known this 2 gers since secondary school..so that'll be bout....6 -7 years of friendship!! n suddenly they've turn 21! soon to be my turn...hmmm...

celebrated both xuan's and xiaohui's bday at CSC club last saturday..it was......very luan! but fun~ha..cos both bday though celebrate at same place but its at different treehouse..so got to run 2 sides..especially during the cut cake session.

sometimes its really nice to attend bdays cos it is also a gathering session with friends whom u haven seen for awhile~a very memorable day...

sian..i'm getting broke..spent alot on birthdays especially..gonna cry man!this sat still got clemen and weifu's gf de..most probably going to clemen's de..heh..cos closer to him ma~n he lives vy near my place! muahaha..

anyway i dont know what else to blog le..shall stop here first..

She Wrote What She Felt At
Monday, June 19, 2006
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Saturday, June 17, 2006

took at far east last thursday while getting a "special" friend's bday present *wink*

Took with darl quite long ago..juz found time to upload :)

These 2 are My fav pics!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Saturday, June 17, 2006
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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

-=some new pictures!=-

"dang gui ji tui" de WeiHan! so round n cute..very ke ai..ahDear's cousin during his ah gong's bday

"Dang gui ji tui" himself :D

Hongwei! same age as Weihan..also ahDear's cousin..

Mectron's new renovated lounge room!niceEeEe..

xuan,wahwah n me!

i'm just too bored.........

She Wrote What She Felt At
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
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The inner side of me?

perhaps most of my friends only understand me as what i always appear to be - cheerful, chatty, "cute", friendly bla bla bla...

all along there's another side of me whom nobody knows at all..but he found 'her'..

he manage to dig out the hidden inner side of me, all the flaws and weaknesses in me - the one who's always avoiding..who's always having doubts in whatever she do..who's not confident..who's not knowledgable enough..

it hurts so much when someone tells u what u actually are..but den on the other hand..u get to understand ur true self even more and start to change for the better..

i need to really motivate myself becos i'm the only one who can encourage myself to strive harder..he's not gonna be there for me cause he wanted me to depend on myself..

people may not understand why he cant be those bf who supports his gf in everything she does..but to me..his intentions were good..he just wanted to help me..to find the confident ME..

i always thought that its either i must make the effort to change myself or i juz continue avoiding all the way and accept whatever comes in..i chose to do the first one..

i know its gonna be vy tough and stressful but i have to do this..before i knock on the wall and die for nothing..

"god please give me more time..."

She Wrote What She Felt At
Tuesday, June 13, 2006
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Monday, June 12, 2006

had a talk with ahDear already..bout our recent problems..bout our shaky relationship last week..

it went well..i was worried we might end up quarreling again~but he listened to me..every single thing i said..

although this may happen aagin but at least..we manage to talk things out..

he made me feel that our relationship is still going strong :)

he accompanied me the whole weekend..we watched World Cup together..n it was boring btw! we bet on Germany vs *forgot* and lost cos my piggy bro told us as long Germany didn't score more than 2 goals..we'll win money..jitao they won 4-2 lor!!

we oso bet on England match..we won la~haha..for the 1st half match only..ha..gamblers..tonight is Japan n Australia..i'm on Japan's side man..

we rented x-men 1 n 2 to watch too..not a bad show la..suddenly we very enthu bout it..imagining ourselves as one of the characters..childish..

i've decided to take MC today..PMS-ing ah..stomach cramp..feeling weak and giddy all over..that is why i cant really remember alot stuffs now..

so! i'm going home soon!to sleep..........

She Wrote What She Felt At
Monday, June 12, 2006
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Friday, June 09, 2006

9Th again... :) quite a few stuffs going on today...

1: our 8th month anniversary

2: Haoyong's enlist to army day~jia you oh!

3: ah dear's pay day..but looks like gonna delay...

4: the 1st day of Fifa World Cup! correct?

but den to me..the 9th seems more like a cursed day..becos..he got diarhhea =\
dunno y leh..always happen on 9th......hai..kinda sian of this date le..

somehow i dunno y i hav a strange feeling that...our bond for each other didn't seem to be that strong.. am i too sensitive?

i hope i am...

gonna be rather moody recently..will try my best to cheer up :)

She Wrote What She Felt At
Friday, June 09, 2006
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Thursday, June 08, 2006

ok..should i describe my stupid morning today?

its damn shitty compared to all my mornings la..but its not that sway though..

ok..woke up in the morning feeling moody becos of..."you-know-who"..den heavy rain..sian to e max knowing that my shoes will be drenched by the stupid rain..

an invisible ulcer deep in my mouth made me vy uncomfortable n even more fed up..

poured milo powder into cup when realise..no boiling water..damn! will be late for work man..

left house late..one side of my block's lifts "under maintenance"..the other side..slow like shit!

bout to reach bus stop..2 stupid idiot buses ran off! faRk la!

realised i was cash-less..went to withdraw money..met this uncle who walked pass me n said "hello xiao mei mei"..i realli felt like slapping on his farking face!!

after that went to the queue to wait for bus 254..met that bastard uncle again..n again he said the same thing "hello xiao mei mei"! asshole! i was scared ok~! i didn't look at him but i showed a fucked-up face..

idiot u..shit u damn big asshole stupid farking bastard! curse u to death! si uncle!

hmm...not that sway after all... :)

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, June 08, 2006
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Wednesday, June 07, 2006

basically things didn't turn out well for me recently..especially between us..

we're either quarreling..or he's making me vy upset. i've been like sobbing n sobbing non-stop..my eyes were so tired n swollen..

he wasn't in the wrong..he was trying to help me..as what he said..

to make me stronger n more confident in my decision..that's why he's giving me negative remarks on my study issue..

he's right..i took his words too negatively..i always assume that he's discouraging me to do certain stuff but actually he's trying to tell me what i lacked of..but i felt..this wasn't the right time..

i thought it might be better if he helps n gives me advices on what i shld do n improve myself instead of telling me my negative points..

but no..no encouragement at all....until the last moment he told me he'll support me in every way...

sometimes it makes me ponder what's the use of making me cry and after that telling me you're sorry...your approach was wrong..n u'll support me? you nv know how much difference it makes when u tell me these before and after u made me cry..

on the other hand i knew your intention was good..you were like what you said..trying to instil confidence in me..but still..i took it negatively..

i'm sorry but this is me!

you can say i cant accept criticism..i cant face failure..i cant take stress..i'm simply having too much of good life till i cant be independent enough to face everything myself..can you just...continue to let me lead this kinda life?

i'm always shaky in all my decisions..but i know at the end...i'll still go with my heart..i juz need a little more push..to tell me that "yeah girl! go ahead with it! you can do it!"..but seems like..i've to go through this myself..

i encouraged myself instead...to do more research on my course..to prepare myself for school n everything..maybe its a good way..i became more independent...

i just hope everything gets over fast...i have more than enough!

*~Loving me was nv easy....so why bother to?~*

She Wrote What She Felt At
Wednesday, June 07, 2006
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Monday, June 05, 2006

haiz..in dilemma..i felt so stressed up now..the feeling is like..can i juz end my life? so i wont have to worry so much?

i mentioned i'm going back to study...going for marketing degree course instead of continuing my IT course...

i know i will definitely not go back to IT..but why marketing? cos of recommendations and interest? majority of my friends took up marketing told me its fun n interesting.
n during my poly i took up this IS module "Intro to Marketing Comm" and i liked it very much..

so i tot....maybe this is wad i wan..so i selected it..n was accepted by SIM RMIT and indirectly accepted by UniSIM..y indirectly neh? cos i'm not 21yrs old and does not hav 2yrs working experience.
so they allowed me to take up their Certificate Programme and i'll be transferred to the actual degree only next year Jul07..

i seeked everyone's advice..as usual..everyone has different opinions..suddenly i became Xuan the 2nd when she was in dilemma whether to choose SIM or NUS.haha..

i guess i needed encouragement more than advices.. esp from him..... but what i've got are stress and more stress..
his advices were good..but it made me more confused.it made me realised......

is this really what i want? did i make the right choice? will it affect my future?

he's right..i'm not prepared..not prepared to go back to school..to study..to handle the stress..the exams..but i have my own thinking..i dont wanna drag my time..even i'm not prepared..so when am i? 3yrs? 4yrs? 10yrs? or even 20yrs?maybe b4 the day i die then i realise what i wan..is it still early??

to me..or to most gers..degree is important! but not to him..

why is it that our opinions always so different?

why is everyone telling me i can do it but not you?

if there's one person to play the bad role why must it be you?

i'm sandwiched by many people..

my dad..who always wanted me to study to get a degree no matter what..

him..who thinks i'm not prepared and shld wait till i find my goals then applied for the field i want..

frens..who thinks i can do it becos not everyone has the will to go back study..as long i'm willing to work hard..nth's impossible..thanx all! :)

myself..to study or not to?i dont wanna disappoint everyone and most importantly myself..maybe i'm giving myself too much burden..i kept thinking n thinking..but still my mind seems to tell me..i shld go for it....

i wish i could juz knock myself n go into coma so i dont hav to do anything..just slp there..

kill me ba.....

She Wrote What She Felt At
Monday, June 05, 2006
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Saturday, June 03, 2006

=.=! at work on a saturday ah!!! i hate it man..cos nth to do..slack for 4hours..initially thought it'll be easy to pass the 4hours..but no! its omg so difficult!! sob* i've been staring at the screen since i came n nw its onli....10am!

aRgH~~~!!! i'm oh-so sleepy and bored!! luckily got darling xuan to chat with me..haha.. *muack*

went to watch 'Over the Hedge' last night at JP..11.40pm show.. not as funny as i thought but the characters are cute~

watched with ahDear..n a strangely sweet him O.0? bought a four-leaf clover little pendant cum keychain..can be both ah..for me..vy vy vy nice de! i wanan take a pic of it n upload here but i left my kawaii hp at home sob*

i bought a hp pouch both for him n me lor..cos we realli needed one

yesterday ahDear went suntec PC show..got back some brouchures for me..really hope can get that 3k Fujitsu laptop but my brother onli willing to fork out 2.2k n i can only fork out $200..so 2.5k at most!

decided on HP Pravillion(dunno spelt right not) v2002 model..most prob this model ba..$2399 or $2499? duo processor..1GB ram.. wad else.....forgot le -.-! short term memory..but it reached our requirements..

but i think still big n heavy ah..compared to my stupid clumsy tochiba laptop its much much much * 100000000 better no matter what!

most probably getting today~oh yea..my 1st 21st bday gift..

from my beloved gor gor..hoho..

10.30am only.. *yawn*

She Wrote What She Felt At
Saturday, June 03, 2006
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Friday, June 02, 2006

sometimes i wonder how life would be like if i'm still single now..will i be leading a carefree life? going home everyday after work, chill out with friends during weekends..nobody for me to think of...nobody for me to worry...nobody to lent me a shoulder to lean on...perhaps this way..i would be stronger..

how to know if a couple is meant for each other? how to know whether they can be together till they get married..have kids..till death do 'them' apart?

a couple can be so loving everyday but 10 years down the road then they realise they were not meant to be...another couple can quarrel everyday but still they know they'll be each other's life-long partner..

why is love such a complicated thing? why cant it be straight forward? why does it need to be so draggy?

being in a r'ship made me realise what kind of person i am..a simple vulgar - "fucked up"

i realise i was so weak.. so possessive.. so protective... so temperamental.. so unreasonable.. so insecure..simply a bitch!

i know sometimes i expect too much..too much of attention from him..i know i had to be understanding..to be accepting.. but still.. i didn't do it.. i showed attitude..

i hurt myself even more in the end...

i told myself not to put my all in him... becos i have lots more to accomplish.. unknowingly i love him more than i should..

i needed alot of his comfort most of the times.. but why do i have to control my emotions in front of e person i love but cry in front of the person who loves me?

i felt so lonely..i thought i could handle both friends and r'ship well but i was wrong.. once u're commited to a r'ship u wont have much time for friends.. ur friends left u.. n ur partner does not have much time for u.. u're left alone..

sometimes i thought.. leaving him to find a better one may be better for him.. becos he has to tolerate all my nonsense.. my temper.. my mood.. maybe juz a "lets break up" can solve everything..can relieve him...but i couldn't bring myself to say this..becos of the sickly word "Love"

but how long he can tolerate? how long do i need to change?

perhaps shutting my mouth may solve everything..by not saying anything..quarrels will not take place..

so Bitch! shut up ok!

i apologise for blogging such a emo entry when its just the 2nd day of the opening of my new blog..but its a place where i can write all my feelings here..to make myself feel better...

She Wrote What She Felt At
Friday, June 02, 2006
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Thursday, June 01, 2006

woohoo! my new blog is offically open on the 1st June 2006! - tHe month of moi Nam3~

Many thanks to my darling kamilah for designing my blogskin..i juz told her i wanted four-leaf clover as my theme and ta-da! Look how amazingly simple n unique my blog is~its just..so me! haha

love it so so so much! *muack*

but migrating to blogspot doesn't mean my xanga blog will just *ding ding* disappear forever ok~i happy happy may just go back there and update!

people..feel free to tag any comments or compliments ba~all are welcome :)

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, June 01, 2006
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