She Speaks Her Mind...

Thursday, November 23, 2006

Its 7.30am in the morning..i totally cant sleep at all..

feel so sick and upset..

Dont ever underestimate woman's instinct, they can be very accurate most of the times..

Heard what i dont wish to know..

When i looked at this pic, i asked myself:

"What lies beneath the smile of ours...."

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, November 23, 2006
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Monday, November 20, 2006

A million of thanks to all my friends..even to people whom i dont know, reading my blog..showing lots of concern for me..

Really thank you so much people~i felt so blessed to have you guys around to comfort me..it feels like having so many invisible shoulder for me to lean on..(so greedy....)

Anyway things are back to normal..(as usual..)..inevitably there'll definitely be arguements or disagreements..we have to accept that and face it bravely still..*shake head*

After all..what i need is to cry out and also have someone who can listen to my complains..and my blog is my best pal~a place where i can express almost everything..for as many people to read..and after i've vomit every single thing here..i'll feel better~ :)

Dont worry friends~i'm fine and still going strong! haha..

Aza aza fighting!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Monday, November 20, 2006
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Love or Hate yourself?

I guessed i hate myself more..

I hate myself for being who i am now..

I'm not sure the way i behave, think and act was right or wrong..

Each time something happen, i would ask myself..why in the hell did this happen?

Was i right to do that?

I realised that in the end i got very upset over the whole matter..even if its over..

To me..it still doesn't seem right..

I guess..the problem still lies in me..i should change?

But yet..it is still uncontrollable..How?

I kept finding fault in myself..until i really dislike myself..

I'm not likeable at all..

I tried not to think of the worse..but somehow i'm still worried that history will repeat itself..

What exactly is the right way to love someone?

How to pretend you dont care when actually you are?

How to act like you're not upset when actually you are?

Does it really depend on the way i want to look at things?

Or is it common to have this kind of reaction?

No one would understand except the ones who're standing on my position now..

People who didn't or couldn't understand told me i was at fault..

Yet people who are in the same position told me its a normal reaction..

So...which is right?

I guess even till now..his perception of me..is still the same..

Nothing has change to the better..All along..I'm still the same..

I've never improve..

*Sigh* what should i do then?

-Updates on my Genting trip from 8Nov - 11Nov will be up soon..Am uploading the pictures now-

She Wrote What She Felt At
Tuesday, November 14, 2006
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Sunday, November 12, 2006

It's time...

time to know everything...everything that's been hidden inside during the whole journey..

i'm depressed..terribly depressed..

am tired..terribly tired...

i made myself tired..i caused myself to go this way...

i'm at fault..at fault..

totally at fault..

Fingers are pointing at me..telling me that i'm wrong..

i need someone to talk to..who wanna hear me out?

None.

i wished i'm not like that...but fact is...i am..

i wished i didn't behave this way...fact is..i did..

i wished this is the end...fact is...NO..life's still has to go on..

i dont know when will this ever stop..is it that in the first place everything shouldn't have started?

i need to change..i tried..and i did..

but results are not obvious enough..

i'm still the OLD me..

nothing has changed..i spoiled everything..

i felt hurt..

i was accused...

but it wasn't important..

in the end its still my fault..

can anyone tell me what should i do at this point of time?

was i wrong at the start?

and was i worse at the end?

should i ask for less...

or should i not ask for anything at all?

is it time to let go?

let go of everything that's important to me..

if my sufferings were to exchange for one's happiness...

i'm willing to do so...

words can stab one's heart so deep..till i dont know how am i gonna continue...

She Wrote What She Felt At
Sunday, November 12, 2006
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Wednesday, November 08, 2006

I'm FreeD!!!

Yeah~its my turn to celebrate!! celebrate the end of my exam on the 7th November 06!!

Congratulations & Celebrations...dahlaLalaLaLaLalalalalala....

All of us went out to celebrate for all the hard work we've put in for the past few weeks~we went Bugis and had steamboat~total 7 of us - Wendy, Angeline n her bf, Timothy, Victor, Michael and m3!

Had lots of fun with them..cracked alot jokes..laughed like mad..i think we were the loudest at the restaurant~!ate lots and lots!

everything's so worth it after studying so damn hard for our exams..our last paper was MacroEconomics..and its damn easy man~most of the questions came out in past year paper already..haha~

but that's one thing i super super super angry about and i need to complain!!!

A cunning idiotic ugly with brownish stupid disgusting hair guy who sat beside me tried to copy my answer and he's super obvious man!!! i'm so pissed with him ok..i already noticed he's been trying to look at my answer..

Then he went toilet..when he came back, it was very obvious that he PEEPED at my answer or rather, my graph before he sat down and he immediately turn to the same page that i was doing at the same time!He did that quite a few times..IT WAS DAMN OBVIOUS LOR! Damn it!

Nvm..he still gave a soft cunning laugh..Whoa! i really felt like slapping him on his fooking face! Damn bastard ok!

But! its ok la..cos after that i realised my graph was drawn wrongly so i changed it to the correct one..wahaha...stupid fellow! stupid to the max! Hope he fails this paper! Retake retake retake! @#$%%$#@$%&%^*)#$%*&^%*&%$#%#$!#$

Enough about him lor..vomit blood..vomit all my tomyam soup and meat~

Anyway i'm quite confident on this paper..told darl i'll treat him if i get higher than Distinction! hoho..maybe i shldn't have such high expectation yet..in case i might get disappointed..

Well..its over! and i'm free~super free..i need a temp job!Any lobang???

And finally i can go and buy my Goong's VCD and watch till late late~(been restricting myself from watching becos of my exams)

pictures pictures pictures!

Angeline's bf bought Canon Ixus65 digital cam, the sales guy took a picture of us and printed it out..i was too lazy to scan..so i used my lousy hp to take a pic of it! haha..damn blur i know.. boo!

Wendy & me!

Tom yam on the left & Chicken soup on the right..looks gross from here..

Took this quite long ago when we were having project discussion for Marketing Principal..we got HD for our project btw! Hooray!

The 4 girls!

Hazel & moi~

She Wrote What She Felt At
Wednesday, November 08, 2006
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Sunday, November 05, 2006

wahaha..very very crazy over this show now~

saw this video and its so damn touching and sweet!!!

I know i'm acting like those crazy little girls out there..but i must admit i LOVE Joo Ji Hoon la!

She Wrote What She Felt At
Sunday, November 05, 2006
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Thursday, November 02, 2006

-("v")Fragility of Love("v")-

So many things have been happening to and around me especially for the past 1 year..

Lots of emotions i've had ever since i got into a relationship..emotions of joy, sadness, anger, jealousy and etc.

Those changing emotions that i seldom feel when i was single or during my secondary school and poly life..those times when i used to lead a carefree life - study whenever i want to, hanging out with different groups of friends at anytime anywhere, having lots of puppy-crushes on many cute guys..

Its so different after experiencing the real feeling of true love.

How difficult it is to handle and maintain..

how Love can bring 2 person, who were brought up in different environment, together..how they have to learn to adapt and accept each other's background and character within a short time..

I always thought how fragile Love can be...

It can form very quickly but on the other hand it can break so easily..

For one moment, it can bring so much blessings and happiness to one..
Yet another moment, it can bring many hurting memories as well..

Many people would wonder why the existence of Love since it is so complicating and vexing..

To me..it may be a meaningful learning experience in life..an experience that teach us something..and that is - to Treasure.

Treasuring 'The One' who's with you all the while even till now..love and respect who they are..

At least when he/she decides to leave you to pursue something that is more suitable for him/her, you will not live to regret..

regretting for not treating them well..regretting for not being understanding..regretting for not being able to give what they wanted..lots and lots of regrets...lots and lots of self-blaming..

Even though in the end the other party may be the one hurting you..at least you know you've given your best..they are the ones who didn't know how to treasure....

She Wrote What She Felt At
Thursday, November 02, 2006
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